So I’ve been thinking (or rather this has been festering) for a while. How do you stop obsessing over pictures or having or not having the perfect pictures? We may wish for, set up, and style those perfect picture settings for life’s main events: a wedding, a child’s early moments, or a significant birthday party. But this fixation on having perfect pictures REALLY starts becoming a tad unhealthy when certain brides starting planning their weddings. Or at least I know it did for me and I didn’t even have a clue about good photography prior to wedding planning.
After all, I remember starting to read inspiration and planning sites, stalking photographer blogs, flipping through magazines, and comparing my friend’s pictures.
I mean, is this a happy In Style Weddings Moment or what?
If you have a certain aesthetic sense and want your pictures a certain way, go for it. Of course we want to have great pictures to capture a great day so prep so you will more likely be happy with your pictures.
Here are some basic steps you should take to achieve that:
- Know what you want and prioritize those shots (photos with your family, silly pictures of you, the venue)
- Find a photographer that has a style that fits your style
- Inform the photographer of your must-have list
- Allow sufficient time for your shots
- Bring any props
- Have additional photographers or friends with nice cameras
But as Mrs T pointed out, what if you did all that and you still don’t get what you want? She did have awesome pictures like this though.
That’s because if it’s a large event like a wedding, there’s really only the one chance to take pictures.
So if the photographer’s back is turned when your sister is doing the worm, he misses it. If the photographer didn’t frame you in the backdrops you wanted, that’s it. If the photographer didn’t get that many close-ups of the happy couple, oh well.
No doubt, it’s really disappointing to have imagined all these memories captured perfectly and they weren’t. I had a lot of shots that never happened too and it kinda killed me – no pictures of us in front of the brownstones in Brooklyn Heights (where our ceremony was), no pictures with my girls individually (or at least with the matrons of honor), and few detail shots though I DIYed a ton and was pretty proud of my alencon lace veil, our invitations, and our programs (hmm maybe should share that, they were super easy and fun) – none of which were photographed.
Of course you could have the post-wedding shoot or a trash the dress session but your Grandma will likely not be in the background inhaling shrimp cocktail in the background (and that could be an awesome shot). So if you have time and opportunity to do an after session with just you and your partner, go for it. It could be more relaxing this time around.
Also remember to gather pictures from friends that are good photographers (esp. those with SLRs or toy cameras). You’re sure to find a beloved shot or two and all you had to do was feed them (and love them!) We made our friends upload to our Sugarsync folder (it’s our paid online backup of both of our computers with extra storage), but Mrs. T pointed out that, weddingphotoswap.com is a great option and is free.
But if you’ve done all that and still aren’t happy, pick yourself up and move on with your life. While you may have many beautiful moments and some are captured in pictures, you can’t live your life as if it is a photo shoot – prepping and posing for a specific moment. You have to remember the moment itself and to live it up. We all want to see styling pictures, no doubt. I mean I’ve wanted to share my own pictures with you because I had some amazing vendors and want to call them out, but fear the photos aren’t pretty enough (and of course I won’t be anonymous anymore). But don’t let this control you and your moments and your satisfaction. Love the great time you had, not just your pictures.
After our Taiwan reception, I said to Mr. Gadget, “I didn’t love how our wedding pictures turned out, but I guess I’m ok with that.” That sage husband turned to me said “Yes and anyway I love the way our marriage turned out.”
Swoon…
Obviously the picture obsession became less of an obsession and it took time and acceptance.
You’ll get lots of shots where someone’s eyes are closed or something isn’t right. Maybe one half of the couple decides to stop cooperating and acting silly. That’s ok because you get shots like these and that is what life is all about…the imperfect pictures and the substance behind them.
I’m done posing and perhaps you’ll see those wedding pictures around some day.
haha, we have those salt/pepper shakers 🙂 in black and yellow. oh, and yes, get over the pictures now, before the wedding, one person can’t catch every possible thing! 🙂
Oh you are so wise.
Good post! I am happy with our pictures, but if I really think about it and analyze it closely, I can probably make a list of pics that are missing. But I think you’re right in saying that you have to let it go, and some of those memories will live on in our minds and not in the pictures.
You should see the picture of my hubby feeding me our cake… it is hi-larious and we still laugh about it every time we see it (I look like some kind of cake devouring monster because he is holding the plate and fork about a foot and a half away from my face). Not every pic is perfect, but they all tell the unique story of your day. Remember in the days when the ONLY pictures brides had was a formal studio-style portrait of herself with her husband? And they managed to get along just fine 🙂 As long as you have at least one to frame and put in a place of honor, you’re golden.
Too true. But still a hard pill to swallow. Thanks for the blog love. So dying to see your photos. Maybe you could post them somewhere else and let all your die hard followers (pick me, pick me) and let us look at them with a password or something?
That last photo is hilarious. I think funny pics are the best.
so true. a lot of our photos turned out fab, but a lot were outtakes that we love 🙂
sounds like a lot of work but i guess the outcome makes it all worth it, right?
i am totally this way. if a picture doesn’t turn out the way i like it i have to retake it over and over! thanks for posting this!
i’ve missed your blog. sorry to be mia.. on my way to catch up now!
This is a great attitude but I think easier said than done, especially in a case like Mrs. T’s. Its not just that it only happens once and can’t really go back, but also the amount of time, energy, effort, and money that goes into it.
Chocolate lover – so true! I identified so much with Mrs. T, it was scary. You can plan and still not get the results you want.
I guess I’m trying to say gather the pictures and have another session if you like. But if this isn’t enough, unfortunately, there’s not much to do and don’t torture yourself (as I did for a little while after).
I’m going to keep this in mind, especially as I get started on the photo hunt. Thanks.
We had two photographers at our wedding so that helped a lot, but, sure there were things that were missing. The videographer also helped to catch the moments.
I’ve been married for nearly six years and have two kids, we almost never even look at our wedding pictures anymore and the number of photos I have now seems, in retrospect, a little insane. With time, the obsessiveness with how the pics turned out will definitely quell as you go about building your life together and new, even more fantastic memories layer on top of your wedding (think of all the vacation photos, family event photos, possibly baby pictures to come).
these are perfect reminders for a bride-to-be! THANKYOU darling girl!
i REALLY REALLY REALLY love your veil!!! that is EXACTLY what i have in mind.
i can’t wait to see your pictures 🙂