This is a follow-up to my previous posting about my bm.
First, I have to apologize for oversimplifying the statements about my bm and why I almost asked her to leave. It’s like IM or a short e-mail, you can’t grasp the nuances and I hope I can explain them now.
The real deal is that I was hurt because I perceived that she didn’t want to be a close friend anymore. It seemed that I would always have to contact her first and she didn’t make the same effort. After a few times, I started taking things personally. I thought well if she doesn’t even want to be a friend, maybe she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. If you’re a bridesmaid, you’re like a sister, a life companion, a future godmother.
My bms were really helpful and to date I have only asked them to help me purchase silk flowers/berries because I was not living in the US (which of course I paid them back for). Ok that and asking them to come dress shopping with me because my mom is not involved in that at all. I appreciate any offerings of help and each and every one of them is special to me. I’m not asking them to shell out money for anything or get their hair done in any special way or wear peep-toes in shade R2D2. It’s a milestone in my life and I want them to be part of it.
My BM has always been there to support me in practical boy talk, parties in the winter when we left our coats in the car, and everything else for 15 years. She’s just late in getting back to people and it’s part of what makes her her. We’ve talked about it and I just have to understand that and she will also try to make a better effort – we gotta meet halfway.
It’s also hard because we stay the same and yet we also change. Things won’t be the way they were, but they can still be great. Sometimes, I wish we could go back to the simpler times when we partied in Times Square and took the train at 3 in the morning. But we’re *gasp* adults now and that comes with boring things like taxes, but awesome things like our future husbands. I love you girl!
Please feel free to pass me some anti-bridezilla serum when I need it.
Second, wedding planning is not a box of chocolates. It is a box of every flavored jelly beans. It is only one day but it’s not just about us – it’s about everyone with us too. We don’t just have a psuedo-vintage theme. We have cultures and family to commemorate. We WILL do them justice. I have found the blogging community to be extremely helpful and inspirational and it’s made everything more enjoyeable. I can only hope that I can pass on a deal or a cool idea myself.
But it takes time, lots of research, and patience that it will all be ok. Man, I’m really turning into my mom. I want to throw parties for people and get super-stressed along the way.
Finally, a big shout-out to all the other bridal bloggers and grooms. I feel ya. It’s not all fun, buttercream frosting, and goddess dresses. It’s tiring. At the end of the day, it’s back to the basics. We’ll all say “I do” to our life partners and cherish the beginning of new chapters together. And they lived happily ever after.
p.s. I’m definitely going to try and help with the shower since I’m one of the few people here (most bms are actually out of state or country!). I also told them I don’t really care about the shower because it’s complicated and our schedules are insane. But they’ve been super sweet about it and want to do something. Or maybe they just want to dress me up in toilet paper. 🙂
Doesn’t drama just suck all the joy out of everything? More buttercream frosting, less drama!
I have definitely had the friend who does a rather poor job of keeping in touch, and even though I want to stay close, I just spend less and less energy if she spends less energy. It drives me less insane.
I think you should forget about her for the time being (it’s great that you’ve talked about it openly before,) and put energy into the bms that can help you out with the shower. You can deal with any issues with your friend after all the wedding craziness.
Everything’s going to be fine! Deep breath.